


Isolation Idiocy

by CatnipRambles, confessionsofashyfangirl



Series: Marauder's Messages [7]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crack, Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), Modern Marauders (Harry Potter), Sirius stays with the Potters, just wanted to write something fun and silly, text fic, the quarantine fic that no one asked for, what's a plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:02:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27724556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CatnipRambles/pseuds/CatnipRambles, https://archiveofourown.org/users/confessionsofashyfangirl/pseuds/confessionsofashyfangirl
Summary: After being sent home from Hogwarts during lockdown, boredom sets in and not even being separated during a pandemic can stop the marauders from annoying the crap out of each other.In which they experience the woes of lacking toilet paper, ruined breakfast preferences and the struggles of online classes.
Series: Marauder's Messages [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1741024
Kudos: 19





	Isolation Idiocy

**(Monday 7:19pm)**

**~ Padfoot ~**

EMERGENCY

NEED HELP

SOS

**~ Wormtail ~**

What’s wrong?

Call 911!

Wait.

**~ Moony ~**

You've been watching too many American shows.

**~ Prongs ~**

Isn’t it 999?

Nothing's wrong, we just need toilet paper.

**~ Padfoot ~**

There's PLENTY wrong with that!

**~ Moony ~**

So I left dinner early for nothing.

My mum made chocolate pudding today :(

**~ Padfoot ~**

Excuse you, toilet paper is a very fundamental asset to everyday living.

Wrong group to ask. No one call for Peter even if you’re dying.

**~ Moony ~**

Waitrose are having more stocked up tomorrow. I’ll add in an order for you two.

You’re still quarantining together, right?

**~ Padfoot ~**

MOONY YOU’VE SAVED US

Yeah, it’s Prongs, Mr and Mrs Prongs Sr, and I

**~ Prongs ~**

Thanks Moony, you can go back to your chocolate pudding now HAHA

**(9:48pm)**

**~ Wormtail ~**

Not that I’m being sentimental or anything

But

I miss you all

Okay maybe a little bit sentimental.

**~ Prongs ~**

Ikr!!!

We text each other all the time but it’s just not the same

I’ve got no one to prank and Sirius always guesses my ideas

**~ Padfoot ~**

None of your secrets are safe ;)

**~ Moony ~**

Well, at least now I know who’s been using my email to sign up for random weekly newsletters.

There’s a Russian dating site I can’t figure out how to unsubscribe from because I CAN’T FUCKING READ

**~ Padfoot ~**

Now now, Moony. It’s only Russian, not rocket science. 

**~ Prongs ~**

The funniest part about this is that you actually open them HAHAHAHA

**~ Wormtail ~**

Recently, I’ve been going about life with the philosophy of if I don’t see it, it doesn’t exist. 

**~ Moony ~**

Thank you, Wormtail. I think I will adopt that philosophy. Along with changing my name, phone number and email address.

**~ Padfoot ~**

We could still print them out and mail them to you.

**~ Moony ~**

Do you think in this day and age, regular mail would reach me within the next month?

**~ Padfoot ~**

...Touché

**(Sunday 10:51am)**

**~ Wormtail ~**

Breakfast has forever been ruined.

**~ Prongs ~**

Wormtail, what’s wrong? You love breakfast.

**~ Wormtail ~**

My mum’s friends started sharing their sourdough tips on Facebook and she’s been making it every day for the past week and a half. 

Mum talks about it so much it's left me hating the word even now.

Sourdough and avocado. 

**~ Padfoot ~**

Ew, no. Avocadon’t. 

**~ Moony ~**

You don’t like avocado?

**~ Prongs ~**

He doesn’t like the texture.

**~ Padfoot ~**

Honestly, Moony. It’s like you don’t know me at all! 

This is the first time in 6 years that we’re spending the school term apart. 

**~ Moony ~**

Excuse me for not paying attention to your breakfast preferences. 

**~ Padfoot ~**

Pain au chocolat. 

Porridge with chocolate and banana. 

Would you like me to go on? I know enough about your obsession with chocolate to create a whole menu.

**~ Prongs ~**

The last time we video called, I watched you single handedly finish a litre jar of Nutella. 

**~ Moony ~**

I won’t lie, I had some small regrets after that. 

Might never do that again.

**~ Padfoot ~**

HE HAS A LIMIT? :O :O :O 

**~ Moony ~**

Well, I know that Peter also thinks cake is an acceptable breakfast option to have every day for a week. 

**~ Padfoot ~**

And yet you can’t remember that avocados are my mother’s creation. 

**~ Wormtail ~**

Isn’t the phrase ‘the devil’s creation’?

**~ Padfoot ~**

Yeah, but it just didn’t add enough weight to my statement. My mother seemed more appropriate.

Avocados are taking over the world.

I'm starting a campaign to stop this blasphemy against breakfast and I expect you all to join me.

**~ Prongs ~**

Sorry, mate. I happen to like avocado.

**~ Padfoot ~**

NOOOOOOOOO

I WON'T LET YOU BE TAKEN BY THE DARK SIDE

Actually, you happen to like coriander, too.

You can stay on the dark side.

**(Monday 11:07pm)**

**~ Moony ~**

FYI, even after being stuck inside for so long, the outside world still isn’t as nice as we think it is.

Although, the emergency department is hardly ever a fun place to be.

It used to be, when I was small. Adult hospitals should have toys. 

**~ Prongs ~**

Weren’t you just in hospital a month ago? 

**~ Padfoot ~**

Are you in the ED because something stupid happened and do I need to bribe the police to let me visit you? 

Tbh I’d do it regardless.

**~ Moony ~**

The things you’d do for me :’) 

**~ Padfoot ~**

Only for my Moony.

**~ Moony ~**

Yeah no, it’s something stupid.

**~ Prongs ~**

Do tell. You know we always love a story. 

**~ Moony ~**

Dad complained that I was using the lockdown as an excuse to not exercise and forced me to play Just Dance with him. 

He forgot that I am a tall, gangly noodle and neglected to move the furniture out of the way.

Slammed my knee straight into the edge of a table. 

**~ Prongs ~**

That sounds painful!

**~ Moony ~**

Wasn't as bad as that time I knocked into an iron that was still turned on.

**~ Padfoot ~**

You need to be wrapped with pillows.

**~ Prongs ~**

And bubble wrap.

**~ Padfoot ~**

And put in a box.

A very well cushioned box. 

STOP GETTING YOURSELF INJURED REMUS

 **~ Moony ~**

YOU SAY THAT LIKE I ASKED TO

**(Wednesday 10:18pm)**

**~ Wormtail ~**

I don’t want to wake up for Binn’s class tomorrow. 

8:30 is too early to learn about the origins of Rasputin.

**~ Padfoot ~**

Skive off for a day. No one would notice.

**~ Wormtail ~**

I've never skipped class on my own before! 

Besides, mum’s got my timetable printed out and stuck it on the fridge so she knows when my breaks are.

**~ Moony ~**

What would you even do if you managed to skip school? It’s not like you’re able to go anywhere. 

**~ Prongs ~**

Trust me, watching Padfoot throw a tantrum after being beaten in Mario Kart for the 8th time is far better than history with Binns. 

**~ Wormtail ~**

How were you able to do that? 

The teachers make sure our cameras and mics are on to make sure we’re paying attention. 

**~ Padfoot ~**

We recorded ourselves pretending to pay attention during one class.

Been using that same video ever since.

Pure genius, right? 

**~ Moony ~**

That actually works? 

**~ Prongs ~**

Absolutely foolproof. 

**~ Wormtail ~**

Wow, I’m really tempted to try. 

**(Thursday 9:23am)**

**~ Wormtail ~**

First period is over and it’s working so far!

 **~ Moony ~**

I still don’t think it’s “foolproof”. 

**~ Prongs ~**

Don’t knock it until you try it, Moony.

**(10:54am)**

**~ Padfoot ~**

I am speechless. 

Not even a global pandemic can stop McGonagall from giving detention. 

**~ Wormtail ~**

I’m an idiot for thinking she wouldn’t notice. 

**~ Prongs ~**

At least it worked with Binns! 

**~ Moony ~**

So it is foolproof after all! 

If you have the epitome of incompetence for a teacher.

**~ Padfoot ~**

How does one hour of rubbish duty work if you're in your own house? 

Then again, I've seen your bedroom both in person and on camera.

One hour may not even be enough to clean up one corner.

But speaking of incompetence, James didn’t do his human biology homework. 

**~ Moony ~**

And?

**~ Padfoot ~**

I was supposed to copy off him. 

**~ Wormtail ~**

I’d offer but I don’t even take human biology. 

**~ Moony ~**

So you want me to send through my answers to you?

**~ Prongs ~**

Correct! Remus Lupin has won first prize! 

**~ Moony ~**

What even is the prize?

 **Wormtail ~**

There’s a prize? I knew I shouldn’t have dropped it.

**~ Padfoot ~**

That’s for you to find out after you let us copy your homework ;) 


End file.
